What do we look for in a relationship? love? romance? comfort? compassion? for me personally, a relationship is about what you can give to another person, what you can bring to their life and in turn what they can bring to yours. Love, compassion, comfort and romance are mandatory in a relationship, but so are those little things that make you smile, make you feel connected and cared for. Ultimately in a healthy relationship you and your partner walk through life with a smile on your face and a content heart, feeling so amazing about life but more importantly than that, about yourself.
Recently I have seen people have tainted the above traits in a relationship. Where one making their partner feel good about him or herself was considered a noble and loving act, is now considered to be taking advantage of someone in a weak state. Where paying attention to the details of your partner's life, their loved ones such as buying birthday presents for their little ones was considered compassion is now an evil deed of single men preying upon women with children. Is that really the case? or maybe we portray them that way when a relationship comes to an end?
I'm not so sure anymore, but what I do know is that we all desperately are searching for a relationship that can bring those traits into our life, a relationship that will make us feel better about ourselves and make this world a more beautiful place to live in. If by loving and carrying and showing the utmost affection and love towards someone you fall in love with, you are setting yourself up to be berated and blamed and called a scavenger who preys on the people when they are in -need- ..then is it worth the trouble? Why strive to bring more into someones life when at the end it will be used as a weapon to rip you apart? I say ....it's worth it. Making someone feel good about herself when they need that in their life the most is worth the backlash. I for one am not planning on giving up on trying every single day to make my partner smile out of fear of being accused of preying upon her.
If we take a moment and think about this, and ask the people who have recently "tainted" those traits .."If your relationship had not yet ended ..wouldn't you want your partner to make you feel good about yourself? Wouldn't you love to see your partner get to know your children, love them and care for them?" I doubt the answer would be a no. On top of that if these traits are considered to be "using" someone at the moment of their weakness ...then something must be taken away in return that is of much more value. When you are made happy, feeling good about yourself and your partner is loving and caring for your child, would you say you are being "used"? and if yes ...what exactly is being taken away from you in return?
Someone amazing has a quote "If we are going to judge people based on their past relationships and friendships and the opinion of their Ex, would any of us ever be able to get into another relationship?" -The Nameless Avatar
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6 comments:
You didn't buy gifts for my son until after I'd dumped your ass. It wasn't done out of "love". It was your attempt to suck up to me because I made you feel like shit for giving Iris a computer, when you never did a damn thing for me or my son in the entire 3+ years we were together.
So tell me, did Dina smile when you admitted that you were calling your old flames a few weeks ago looking for cyber sex? Did she smile every time she saw you call Lila a "blonde bitch"? Did she smile knowing you were spreading lies about her friends after they rejected you? Does she smile every time you go afk mysteriously? Does she smile knowing she doesn't have your full attention because you are too busy talking to other girls? Will she smile the first time you get angry at her and tell her to "shut up and put a cock in your mouth"?
You admitted to me the other night that you don't know why you do the things you do, that you have a problem, and that you know you need help. For your own sake, I suggest you stop with these stupid games and go get some, before someone really gets hurt.
You made some good points Sands, but I believe your views are quite hedonistic in nature.
Let me ask you this:
Why is it that you seek relationships with women online? There is nothing wrong with that at all...but it is an issue when there is another spouse and/or kids involved. You are of course not entirely to blame, lonely women who have some kind of void in their life naturally gravitate to men who will shower them with attention...which you so eagerly provide.
Just as an exercise, how about If you found out that your mother was being chatted up by a 22 year old guy online and having phone sex with him while your dad was away at work/sleeping? How would that make YOU feel? How would you view your mother? And finally your dad...is their no respect for that relationship at all? I understand that it may be hard for you to put yourself in the shoes of others, but try. Then maybe, JUST maybe you will understand one of the reasons why people dislike you and "attack" you.
I mean you purposeful seek women who are either as far away from you as possible, married, or have kids involved.
So why is that a rambunctious young man all of 22 years old, like your self, with all that energy, "good looks", "money" and "success", sits at home having online relationships with married women? Is it because they are easy to please or impress? You don't have to commit to them? or is it just easier being the other guy in a relationship and not deal with all the REAL life issues relationships have.
If you don't see anything wrong with your behavior (its call introspection), then you dear have a very large problem.
- Niki
Niiki, while I can perfectly understand your point of view, that same thing would then have to be said to many of your friends and to anyone else online that is in a RL relationship and choosing to get into one online as well. We are all adults here, I'm not here to argue the points of my past relationships any longer, there is a reason they are in the past. I'm moving on, and I wish each of you only the utmost happiness now in whatever relationship path you choose.
While I suppose most everyone is waiting for me to come out and strongly defend myself, my RL, my SL, my choices, I am going to opt out and simply say... I hope that whatever choices you are making in your lives are making you happy. I hope that whatever path you are walking leads you to the love and compassion *you* are looking for. I understand more than most people are going to even consider giving me credit for.
That being said, I would respectfully ask that others not presume to know exactly what goes on in my life, online or off, and not continue to constantly try and call me out to participate in past relationships and the issues there in. I was not a part of them, I will not be now. Nor do I feel the need to fight about the choice I have made, fact is I am here and I have made it because I am choosing to add a bit more happiness to my life. Just as *many* are in SL, or other online venues. I am on my path, and I lay no blame on anyone but myself for the choices I make. I'm pretty sure no one, and I mean *no one*, else here would like their short comings from past relationships displayed out for the world to judge them by. Moving on seems a better option, I would think.
My final say, really. I wish *each* person nothing but their own happiness in their relationship and life choices. Sincerely, *everyone* needs to move on from this and be happy with where they are *now* and let the past be, the past.
Well then, that's your choice. If you're happy, more power to you. When he stops making you happy, I hope you remember this dialogue. As I said before Sands deleted the comment, "the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior." I hope you keep that in mind.
Good luck. You will need it.
I wanna say I am impressed with the maturity of all of you in these five comments, plus the post, that I am seeing here. Everyone is eloquent, well thought out, intelligent sounding, and not resorting to name calling or beating around bushes or two year old nyah nyah nyah, tongue sticking out, 'I'm not touching youuuuu' tactics. Agreeing to disagree. I see a bunch of adults here and that makes me hopeful.
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